THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!
by Sasery
Summary: The most pointless, confusing, and utterly retarded fic you will ever read. MAKE SURE YOU REVEIEEEEEWW!!!!


This is going to be the most pointless thing ever… just to let you know.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters, I don't ownWayside Skool, I don't own Applejacks… Confused? Believe me, you will never understand…

THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!

Harry, Ron, Hermione, Draco, and Clyde are having a picnic under the Whomping Willow.

"What a lovely day" Hermione says, feeding the tree a piece of toast and giving it a small pat.

"Yeah!",Agrees Clyde.

"Aye.",grunts Draco.

"Sure." Says Harry.

"Right on." Moos Ron.

They all sigh contentedly, chewing on their tunafish sandwiches and watching the butterflies… um… fly.

Suddenly, a voice comes over a random loudspeaker. It is Proffessor McGonigal.

"Will Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, Draco Malfoy, and Clyde, please report to the prinicipal's office at this time? That is all."

There is a clicking noise.

"When did we get a loudspeaker?" Harry asks.

"A what?" Ron is confused, after all, he doesn't know of such things.

"It's in the Encyclopedia." Hermione says, chucking him a Wayside Skool Book.

Ron reads a few pages before nodding. "Ah… yes, Louis put it in."

"Should we go to the principal's office?" Clyde asks.

"Kay." They reply in unison, oblivious to the fact that there is no principle.

They read the principles office and knock on the door.

"Er… Mr. Dumbledore, sir?" Harry asks tentativley. ((is that a word?))

Dumbledore nods solemnly. "All of you will report to the dungeons. That is all." He shuts the door.

"WHAT?!?!" Ron screeches.

"Come on." Hermione says, tugging on Ron's hand. Everyone else has already left.

They reach the dungeons.

They reach Snape's classroom.

They open the door.

"ENTER!" Cries a voice gleefully. They enter, surprised to find the room foggy pink in colour as a result of excessive insence.

In the midst of it all sits Snape. He has on a long pink robe and is sitting pretzel style on a cushion. He appears to be meddiating.

"Yeah?" Clyde says for no apparent reason.

"Sit, my children." Snape says without opening his eyes.

The five shrug and sit.

"Whatcha want us for, dadio?" Draco asks.

"Precisely." Snape replies, opening his eyes.

"What?" They ask.

"I am your father…"

It takes a moment for his words to sink in, and they all burst out laughing. 

"Yeah, right!" Clyde guffaws.

"Good one!" Hermione chimes in.

"I'm serious." Snape replies.

Dead silence.

Everyone looks around eachother, not knowing what to say.

"Um… Dad?" Harry asks, raising his hand.

"Yes, son Potter?"

"Why don't Applejacks taste like apple?"

Snape frowns in concentration, takes a big breath of insence, strokes his beard….

WAIT! SNAPE DOESN"T HAVE A BEARD!

Harry jumps back. "You're not my father!"

At the same time Clyde screams, "You're not the man I married!"

Snape shrugs and disappears.

"Okay…" Everyone says, raising an eyebrow.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Says a booming female voice. "GOTCHA!"

"Hey, Mysterious Lady? Can you tell us what is going on?" Draco asks politely.

"I HAVE BEEN FOOLING YOU ALL ALONG!! THAT WASN'T SNAPE! HAHA!"

The five sigh in relief.

"So Snape isn't our dad then… well, where is Snape?" Hermione asks.

"FOOLISH MORTALS!"

"What?!?!?!?!" They are now sufficiently confused.

"Whoops…" Says the voice, now not booming. They see the shadowy figure of a woman… um… in the shadows. "Well, ya see kiddies, Snape is actually a hologram!"

Blank stares.

"THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!" They all scream.

The woman shrugs, "Sure it does." Suddenly, snape reappears dancing rather rediculously.

He disappears again.

"See?" The woman asks.

"No."

She steps out of the shadows. 

"MUM!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!" Harry shrieks.

"HAHA! BUST!" Lily Potter shrieks. "WHAT A LOSER! YOU ACTUALLY THOUGHT I WAS DEAD THE WHOLE TIME!!!"

Harry has a heart-attack and dies.

Lily looks down at Harry. "Pity, I was just going to say that I never existed either. I'm a hologram!" She disappears.

"THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!" The five scream, which doesn't make sense since Harry is dead.

"Then who's behind all of this?" Hermione wonders.

"I AM!" Says another voice from the shadows. He steps out.

"CLYDE!?!?!" They all gasp.

"But Clyde's right there!" Ron insists, pointing to where Clyde is standing. 

The Clyde's shrug. 

The one Ron is pointing to disappears.

"THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!" They all scream.

"Sure it does." Clyde says.

They all think a moment, before realization dawns on them. "Oh yeah…"

"Well… then who is Harry's mother?" Draco asks.

"Dumbledore." Clyde replies, as though this were obvious.

"Oh.."

"THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!"

"Who is Clyde anyway?" Hermione asks them.

"Dumbledore." Clyde replies, as though this were obvious.

"Oh."

"NOW IT MAKES SENSE!"

They all sit down for tea and crumpets.

THE END

Oh my gods… this is so screwed up… *dies*


End file.
